WEDNESDAYS

Pride & Prejudice

  This is one of my favorite addictions...Jane Austen in any and all forms.  Love the book, so fun to reread and try to understand the language of the day.  Love the BBC version with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy.   Completely adore Matthew McFayden and Keira Knightly in the movie made about 4 years ago.  I have watched and rewatched and discussed various passages so often that my children KNOW the story by heart.  Even Avery, who hasn't actually sat through an entire viewing, knows the deal.  Abby truly appreciates the story.  Alyssa, well she tolerates me addiction and it is just a part of the fabric of her consciousness.

  The story is so perfect and has enough twists and turns to keep it all interesting.  Although I am truly only interested in the relationship between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.  Well, aren't we all.  They are both such passionate characters.  I wish I could be so eloquently outspoken as Miss Elizabeth.  She takes sarcasm to a level not often seen.  I am sure that too often my sarcastic remarks become crass and sound harsh, not funny at all.

  And there is the undeniable fact the Mr. Darcy loves her so. 

Pride & Prejudice

 

Write what you know

    I have heard this expression many times, can't remember the author or where I heard it.  But lately I can't stop thinking it.  I have always wanted to be a writer and I have had some small successes in that area.  I have certainly put in the hours throwing up words on paper and small screens.  The success part is different in my brain.  I have a really difficult time being anyone different than who I am, can't hardly hide a feeling or a thought.  This relates to my writing because I often feel that I don't want to (truly cannot) write with any sort of truth about stuff I don't know in my heart or haven't experienced.  Yet I crave writing fiction.  I want to make stuff up and have it be wonderful and magical and have the ability to transport the reader far away from life.

    I worked for awhile writing articles about the auto industry where I was able to interview people.  That worked well for me because it all had a basis in reality but I still wanted to wrench something from myself.  Still want to.  So I took a break and eventually came around to writing this blog (thank you Lisa) and the practice has been twofold: writing what I know and writing about my life.  And I still resist it, thinking "what do I have to say."  It makes me think of that line in Cat in the Hat, "Yes the fish is talking, but is he saying anything?"  And hopefully this will springboard me into the wrenching of fiction from my guts.  I know it sounds so dramatic but this time around I am only fighting for a mental survival. 

  Now I am just rambling.

Anniversary

  I can't believe four whole years have passed by since my mom died.  2005 was a dark year.  Although I can't say I had a ton of time to sit and grieve her passing all at once.  It has taken these years to fit in my thoughts and tears and remembering of her.  I know she wasn't a happy happy, life's a party kind of girl and so I have been trying to overwrite those impressions I have of her with memories that were good.  I want to remember her for the good things she did for her friends and her family; for how much she loved her own mother; her great taste in many things; how much she cared for my children who didn't judge her the way I did; how she loved a great mystery; how she refused to be bamboozled out of even .50 cents if she believed she was right; how she stood by so many lost causes without falter because she believed it was the only thing to do.

  At some point during her last year, in the middle of the night, the radio in Abby and Alyssa's room started blaring a song by Train.  Every time I hear it I think of her and I try not to miss her because I know she believed in angels.  I hope she made it that far.

Calling All Angels

"I won't give up if you don't give up."

When I Look To The Sky

My Daddy Turns 86

  Well, he did last week.  I spent every morning with him last week trying to get his computer fixed up.  The entire machine remains a mystery to him and he calls regularly to get a walk through on basic functions.  But he needed a new keyboard and mouse and the one thing he really really wanted for his birthday was internet access in his room so he could try the email once again.  So that took me about 5 trips to Best Buy and about 5 calls to tech support to get the whole thing set up.   Modems out of date, resetting up addresses and passwords.  Talk about lions and tigers and bears.

  I know my dad is clinging to his past and the way things were and I do my best to accomodate him.  It is tough trying to judge what he is capable of and what is beyond him but harmless in its own way.  The last year has been a year of stresses and controlled chaos.  I can take it all one day at a time but when I try to take a look at the bigger picture I don't get any clarity.  Through it all I have had my own share of disappointments and little disillusionments, making it abundantly clear that I am quite on my own in many respects.

  I was listening to the radio the other day and I heard one of my favorite songs, one by U2, of course.  It reminded me of my dad and of myself.  

"Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"

Tough, you think you got the stuff

You're telling me and everyone

You're hard enough.

You don't have to put up a fight.

You don't have to always be right.

Let me take some of the punches

for you tonight.

Listen to me now.

I need to let you know.

You don't have to go it alone.

And it's you when I look in the mirror.

And it's you when I don't pick up the phone.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

( skipping the next verse)

Hey now,

Still gotta let you know

A house doesn't make a home.

Don't leave me here alone.

  Needless to say I shed a few tears over that song and all the sentiments it holds.  Let's see if I can link to a video of it as well.  So happy birthday papa.  I am glad you made it this far.

Sometimes U Can't Make It On Your Own

"Infinity's A Great Place To Start"

Just wanted to give a little shout out to some great lyrics by Bono and the boys.

I also like "time is irrelevant, it's not linear".

oh and this one is also great:  "Every night, I have the same dream.  I'm hatching subplots, scheming some scheme.  Oh yeah."

Well, it sounds better when they sing it.  SO if you don't have access to a copy of No LIne on the Horizon...might I suggest some professional help?